10th September 2025
The highlight of this week was set to be the resumption of my stormy, steamy affair with the Beast. Our drive mower has tested my patience, faith and wallet in equal measure since we first met each other’s magnetic gaze nearly a year ago. To be fair, I have inflicted as much hurt as I’ve received in this tempestuous relationship. Some of you may recall my run-in with a hidden rock whilst in the saddle a few months back, doing considerable damage to my paramour’s undercarriage, and the subsequent reconstructive surgery. (Kerching!)
Calm relations had been restored by the time of our departure in the spring, but on our recent return the doctor had to be summoned once more as the pesky machine was blowing out billowing white smoke (keep up, Beast, the conclave was back in May) and had to have an oil change, new deck belt and tyre valve before being pronounced fit for conjugal relations once more.
(Kerching! Kerching!)
Good to go? Not quite. The new belt proceeded to behave extremely badly, twice slipping off the minute I engaged it. Back to the drawing board. I’m not a practical guy by nature, far less a mechanic, but the internet is a marvellous resource. I tracked down this helpful diagram:
and miraculously, after a fair bit of spanner work and a LOT of swearing I got the bugger back on. Would it hold?
Well, like all feisty lovers, my Beast needs getting in the mood. In its case, foreplay consists of clearing the lawns of a good number of fallen coconuts, other detritus and palm leaves. You get the picture – half an hour of toil before even getting to the main event. I’ll leave that there 😆.
I must have done something right. A picture speaks a thousand words:
True love rekindled ❤️
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